But I’m still American?

The excitement when I first held my red Italian passport. Standing at the airport, with two pieces of luggage and a backpack, saying goodbye to my family. To my life.

Moving to another country is a life-changing adventure. But, is it the right one?

I thought, what am I getting myself into. My great-grandparents left Europe to pursue new opportunities and here I am, returning to the start. Am I letting them down?

You think … what about friends and family members I love and cherish. All the happy memories created during high school, college. You are going to miss birthdays, anniversaries, engagements, graduations, babies, funerals, little ones growing up. I am saying goodbye to the California sunshine, lifestyle, and cuisine. Everything I have ever known.

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Pacific ocean near Half Moon Bay, California

Why am  I leaving? It’s my home, my country. Am I leaving for a better life or will I create something worse? Fear and regret. And yet, I still step on the plane.

One thing I didn’t anticipate is the in-between. While there’s no harm in returning, you’re a changed individual. Neither completely European or American. Your journey creates homesickness in your heart. I miss the heat. But, I miss the lush, emerald green of Britain. Can you belong to both?

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Raw beauty of NorCal.

Living abroad, you’re reminded that you are the OTHER. You’ll never completely understand the references, the jokes from past shows or their childhood memories. People will always question your logic and expect a rational answer; they just don’t understand when you can’t provide clear answers.

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The beauty of England

But despite all this you will feel more grounded than ever. I’m ITALIAN / AMERICAN. Perhaps my spirit has always resided in two places, but it took leaving to understand that part of myself. Why do we have to choose where we place our love? So you just stop thinking and start living and loving. You grow to accept the differences and choose to love even harder.

I love my country. I love my heritage. And I love the life I have created after two years of hard work. Soon, you grow to enjoy returning home all the more because home isn’t just one place. Home is HERE and home is THERE, equally and simultaneously.

 

 

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6 responses to “But I’m still American?

  1. In class, we talked about something similar and called it “living in the hyphen”. I loved that term. I’m sure there’s identity to be had as a “hyphenated” person–own it! And good luck!

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